its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
