our cab driver is having phone sex.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
