Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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