i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
You don't make any sense
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