I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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