I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I've blown a few things in my day
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize