Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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