Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
