i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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