There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Randomize
