shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
