I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
