I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
