I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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