i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
But theres a keg here and me gusta
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
