I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My vagina just recognized that song.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Randomize
