drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
