i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
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