i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
i think i just lost a toe
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
