I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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