apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
