i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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