TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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