My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
