i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
