Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
