if i can run in heels then i can drive
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
