I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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