I murdered the dance floor call the cops
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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