We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
