Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Me. At least after what I've been through.
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
