last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
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