he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Randomize
