Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Randomize
