I am puke
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
