do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
