i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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