I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just forgot I was standing up.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
