Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
