Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
