you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
