It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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