yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
It was like getting head from an anaconda
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
