So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize