Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
