It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
