I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
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