Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Randomize
