Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
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