OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
