Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize