need another drink. this is the easiest way
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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