Me. At least after what I've been through.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize