True but thats because hes a fetus.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
