i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
