you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Randomize
