I intend to get homeless drunk
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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