sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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