she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Randomize
