you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
