No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
