There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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