Pants 0. Shit 1.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
